Went to Sionito this weekend, had some good thoughts, had some bad thoughts, did some good yelling at God, did some good humbling at God and pretty much think I've reached the point where I can stop being angry all the time. I don't think I realized how much it drained on me to have this kind of subconcious anger and loathing of something that had been pretty cornerstone to my life. I rested a lot this weekend, which I think I needed. I rested away from people and just...took the time, I suppose. Something I haven't done much of this summer. I've been working like crazy, and fit in people and running running running and I forgot how nice it is just to wake up and look at the sunrise, or to write in a journal. I did that a lot this weekend too. I wrote. I carried this little journal with me and I wrote whenever a thought entered my head, wrote it down.

I think some odd things, but in the end I think a few of them might be profound. Lillie and I talked the other night and I'd had a bad day. A $25 day to be precise. Four Demos. 25 bucks. I was in a bad mood. Though we haven't talked much, she said simply "You can't base your day on how much you sell," and of course, at the time, I protested that I could if my job was to sell things, but she was right. I think, this summer, that I have based my happiness on Sales. On how much work I could get done, how much money I made and I've forgotten a lot about what I enjoy. I think it's why I've been so irritable and tired and frustrated and pretty much on the verge of screaming (I even did scream once or twice, Liz was on the phone) all summer. I need to work on this.

I can't wait for Junior Camp. I miss camp. It was really my little spark of rejuvination that really helped me make it through the year. I'm glad I get to have it again, just in a different form.

I've decided to ask the family for an iPod for my birthday. I've had the same Mini for going on 5 years now, and I am tired of not having enough room for my music. And may I be a consumer american here, but I want the cool new one too. I've got my eye on the Second Edition U2 iPod - solid black, red click wheel. I approve. We'll see if that works out, it's a might more than my budget.

There are seven people in my house. I like 2 of them. They are staying all week. I'm moving next door. Anyone want to come spend the night? I'm also re-reading Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, I really can't put it down. I forgot how much I love those books, but I'm reading it with this sense of dread, because I don't want him to die all over again. Sticks and Stones I suppose.

Which fish are you? I think I'm the small one.